What One Can Do For Dependent Children
The recommended environmental changes for dependent children are the same for both conformers and nonconformers. You may be tempted to assume that the first group will outgrow their minor problems. THe outgrowth is unlikely unless responses change at home and school.
What One Can Do as Parents
Understanding the causes characteristics of your children's underachievement patterns is the first imporatnt component of change. However, as kind and sympathetic parents, you may have difficulty finding the courage to replace many of the reinforcements that you have accidently and intuitively provided to your children. As responses are modified, you may fear that you're not being sufficiently sympathetic or supportive. You might feel guilty about the ways in which you are parenting. You might sense so much internal pressure about your fear or failure that you experience anxiety, as if these fears were for your own personal failures. Things to remeber can be found in the following suggestions:
- If you don't permit your children to work independently now, they will surely fail later and blame you for that failure.
- If you protect and do too much for your children, they will resent you for stealing away their independence.
- Your children can't learn independently when you don't believe that they are capable of independence.
- Your children's dependence causes you to unintentionally diminish their self-confiidence.
- If your children use tears, whining, complaints, physical ailments, or non-eating manipulations, you are being unkind if you repsond to them as though they were truly suffering.
If you have the courage to weather these changes, be assured that you will feel more confident as a parent.